Style, class. We had it all

Oh yes, back to prams pushchairs and car seats. Like saps, we've bought into the 'travel system' concept. When I was a kid, there were no car seats. Hell, there were no seat belts. There were barely any cars on the road, and AA patrols saluted you, by crikey. I remember travelling up to Scotland sitting right at the back of a VW Combi on the engine parcel shelf, playing cards and poking our tongues out at other cars. Style, class. We had it all.

The first and last time I'll own a Daimler anything

The pram has arrived, and it's huge. Plus the car seat and base doohickey that fits into the car.

On the car seat, I particularly like the labels warning you to replace it if you have even a minor crash, on the grounds that it may longer provide the protection you need. Same warning, only in stricter tone, as you find on crash helmets. I mean, I understand that if you have polished the tarmac with your head after flying off a motorbike you might want a new bonce bin. But a baby's car seat *inside* a car *always* needs replacing? Oh Yes.

Besides, I fell off my moped, daredevil that I am, when I was 17. And then again when I was 18. Even now I can summon up the drumming sound as my head bounced along the road and the smart plastic visor was scuffed to opacity. Kept the helmet. And the visor (which probably accounted for the second accident). While my pride was dented, the moped, a Steyr Daimler Puch Maxi, was not. German engineering for you. The company now makes tanks that actually look like tanks. http://www.steyr-ssf.com/

Anyway, back to baby prams and seats. Where will we store them? Under the stairs? Behind the kitchen door? In the hall, ready for everyone to fall over and curse? (Much comic potential, come to think of it.)

We're going to need a bigger house. And that's the first and last time I'll own a Daimler anything.

Pram Angst

Quinny. Pilko. Buzz. What the devil happened to plain old ordinary pushchairs and prams? Visit http://www.whenawomansuptheduff.blogspot.com/ if you want to see the agonies and decisions played out in front of your eyes.

When I was a baby (shortly after the permian era) my mother was untroubled by lightweight travel systems: a pram handed down from her parents was fine. Same pram as my older sister, and exactly the same for my younger sister, five years later: a creaking, rusty stalwart, painted a fetching light lime green, with spoked wheels and white solid rubber tyres - the pram that is, not my sister - served for us all.

Was I thinking of Pam Ann when I used this 'Pram Angst' title?

Go see Pam Ann at http://www.pamann.com/ or better still, live.

Pam Ann, Thankyou Ma'am.

Parentcraft is not taught, instruction is generally resented, and success relies on instinct

Frustratingly unable to tell if I can feel the kicks inside or not. Priti now definitely feels movement, and even reckons she can tell which way round the baby is lying.

All the books and blurbs say that now is the time to start acquiring the kit - the cots, pushchairs and playpens, not to mention the nappies, bottles and clothes. A colleague remarked that having children is still one of life's great experiments. Parentcraft is not taught, instruction is generally resented, and success relies on instinct.

Must must must read the dang books...

Bye-bye freedom, hello cots, playpens, pushchairs

Thanks to a generous younger sister and brother-in-law, whose three boys are now beyond cots, playpens and pushchairs, we are proud owners of same. With the clobber cluttering up the car boot on the way back and now in component parts resting in the hallway, we seem to have made a significant step towards familydom.

In fact, driving back with all the clutter bouncing around, I found myself thinking, "Do I really want to do this. Bye-bye freedom to do as I please, hello faffing around with car seats, school uniforms and teenagers?"

Now this really is hitting home.

Complete travel system

Is it just me, or does the World of Prams not entice any bloke? We looked at mercifully few - sister-in-law with recent sprog having done the hard digging on research - and chose the Pilko Pramette. It is advertised as "can also be combined with the primo viaggio infant car seat to make a complete travel system."

Apart from the silly use of Italian, I would have thought that 'a complete travel system' would be an integrated rail network, or the hub and spoke of a global airline. In which case, £500 would be something of a bargain. Instead, our 'complete travel system' is actually a buggy and a baby car-seat that clips in. Apparently polka dots are all the thing this year.

Farting about in Mamas and Papas (excellent, I mean excellent staff) was great fun, and really brought the whole baby business home. Women of vary degrees of hugeness were teetering, floating or barging through the store. We tried not to gape. If you want to compare bumps and babies, head off to your local maternity store right now, it makes it all REAL!