Bye-bye superstition, Hello reality.

The pressure to acknowledge the arrival of Toblet(te) is growing. Stores of nappies, creams and clothes; changing mat, sleepsuits, pushchair; breast pump, steriliser, baby alarm. It's not so much the kit, it's the admission that this is all For Real.
The second part is us getting over the superstition element: buying the kit means accepting that things are now OK, that Toblet(te) will be born healthy, wealthy and wise. Put another way, stop worrying and start planning. (According to top bloke Norm, proud possessor of two teenagers, the worrying *starts* now and continues to build for the rest of your life...)
It's a strange transition: single - couple - expecting - dad. Accepting Yes, this is happening, is the biggest change. Bye-bye superstition, Hello reality.
Pic stolen from Avent, who make a bafflingly (to me) large range of baby kit. Bizarrely, I once drove past Avent's UK HQ... http://www.avent.com/uk/en/index.php

Sleep, feed, seaside

The baby sleep cycle is becoming more apparent now, the precise opposite of PP's, including waking at about two or three a.m., presumably for the equivalent of a feed.

Seems to me that humans have a significant evolutionary disadvantage in having such helpless infants, which need feeding so frequently. How did our ancestors roaming the savannah cope with noisy, waking infants at night? Did cro-magnon and neanderthal humans follow Gina Ford or Tracy Hogg when Bringing Up Baby?

Vexed questions. I prefer the littoral theory of human evolution. See http://www.sondela.co.uk/ and http://johnhawks.net/weblog/topics/pseudoscience/aquatic_ape_theory.html a truly fascinating site, with a beautifully clear description and analysis of the acquatic theory.

Pram Angst

Quinny. Pilko. Buzz. What the devil happened to plain old ordinary pushchairs and prams? Visit http://www.whenawomansuptheduff.blogspot.com/ if you want to see the agonies and decisions played out in front of your eyes.

When I was a baby (shortly after the permian era) my mother was untroubled by lightweight travel systems: a pram handed down from her parents was fine. Same pram as my older sister, and exactly the same for my younger sister, five years later: a creaking, rusty stalwart, painted a fetching light lime green, with spoked wheels and white solid rubber tyres - the pram that is, not my sister - served for us all.

Was I thinking of Pam Ann when I used this 'Pram Angst' title?

Go see Pam Ann at http://www.pamann.com/ or better still, live.

Pam Ann, Thankyou Ma'am.

Tantric homeopathy

Alternative (ie ineffective mumbo jumbo) medicine rears its ugly head once more, and I have promised to attend a homeopathy session and not argue, be rude or dispute the veracity of this hallowed delusion. The best I can do is acknowledge that for some people it's a supprting practice, like faith in god or belief in ghosts. Provided homeopathy helps personal wellbeing in some non-dangerous manner, then I guess it's no worse than superstition.

We are seeing Cassandra Lorius, a prolific and very successful author of Homeopathy for the Soul. Cassandra is also author of:

Tantric Secrets: 7 Steps to the Best Sex of Your Life

Tantric Sex: Making Love Last

The Tantric Pillow Book: 101 Nights of Sexual Ecstasy

101 Nights of Tantric Sex: How to Make Each Night a New Way to Sexual Ecstasy.

Keeping my views on homeopathy to myself might be tricky, to say the least. Still, a promise is a promise.

I wonder how homeopathy relates to tantric sex? Hmmmm...maybe there's something... nah.

Fall asleep quickly and sleep like a log

Sleep is now definitely at a premium for Priti. Night-time means much thrashing and revolving with the sandbags (she has invested in specific sleeping sandbags: one red, one green, one blue) before settling. I have too many elbows and knees for her comfort, the saving grace being that I warm the bed up.

Fortunately, even though I am relegated to a narrow strip on the outer edges of the mattress, I fall asleep quickly and sleep like a log. Apparently I have so far missed a small-hours self-massage session and a banana raid, not to mention countless pee-breaks.

Long may it continue.

Picture from http://www.nww.usace.army.mil/html/offices/op/em/HowToBag.htm (U.S. Army Corps of Engineers)

Gas & Air

Trevor, a three-month-Dad, came round last night and gave me the inside story on the delivery of his little girl. They had a detailed birthing plan that went AWOL on first contact with the enemy. The only part that actually happened was him snipping the umbilical cord. True Dr Kildare stuff.

From a bloke's perspective, I think I picked up the key points, which are:

1 Say Yes to a drag on the Gas & Air. Hell, why should she have all the fun?
2 Unless you have a strong constitution or deliver babies for a living, stay clear of the business end
3 Take spare clothing and be prepared to smell
4 And it is all worth it, honest

I think point three is already fairly well covered by most blokes, and number two is fair enough; coming in at Number One, saying Yes to the Gas & Air, falls into the tip top tip category, to be tattooed on the inside of your eyelids.

PS And where do the towels and hot water come into it, then?

PPS Yaphet Kotto (see earlier entries) was in the original Thomas Crown Affair. Thought you might like to know. Kevin Bacon, anyone?

More puffing than Ivor the Engine

The house is moving up. And down. To be precise, the contents of the house are beginning to migrate to a region above waist and below shoulder height. Soon we will be living in a strip about two feet deep.

Anything above head height is out of reach, and anything below waist height involves more puffing than Ivor the Engine.

Got sound? Click here! http://www.smallfilms.co.uk/ivor/ivor.wav

or visit the excellent web site, http://www.smallfilms.co.uk/

Gun emplacements

Excellent comment from Medicine Man, worth copying here:

Forgot to mention a number of things:1. Has the marital bed yet to resemble a gun emplacement as Mrs CD uses up all cushions/sandbags in the house/shed in a vain attempt to get a good night's sleep?2. Shortly you will be in a position to use one of my favourite words in the English Language: "Swaddle" (my favourite being "crapulous"). Not only is it a great word, it's also a life saver. It basically involves wrapping up the mewling infant so as to prevent any movement whatsoever- think papoose. Said mewling infant will scare the bejusus out of itself every time it moves a limb- 'whoa, what the hell was that'- and not learn from the experience. Effective swaddling = posibility of sleep. Such a good word, and so little opportunity for using it- perhaps we could extend it's meaning to include getting legless-"got completley swaddled last night", or for canoodling-" fancy a quick swaddle". Ho hum

GLR - gone but not forgotten

Laughing through pregnancy is probably the best thing we can do. If you haven't already discovered them, listen to Jo Good and Baylen Leonard on BBC London radio. It's chaotic, bonkers loony fun. The spirit of GLR lives!

http://www.bbc.co.uk/pressoffice/biographies/biogs/london/joannegood.shtml (where it says she hosts the show with Jono Coleman... top marks, as usual, to the BBC web site).

PS If you're reading this Jo, can Priti be a lovely listener?

Quadrupeds, bipeds and large intestines

The kicking is becoming very obvious now, and quite clearly visible. Roughly half an hour after eating, the gymnastics begin. Priti's appetite has rocketed.

The pressure of the bump is producing ever-more side effects in Priti. Her legs are driving her crazy, sort of fizzing, which I guess is a result of pressure on sciatic nerves as the pelvis distorts. Presumably pregnant bellies developed during the quadrupedal phase, and the relatively recent move to bipedalism has compromised our internal layout (think of the large intestine's route). Perhaps if she went around on all fours, life would be easier. Then again, perhaps not.

According to the Rough Guide, at 25 weeks the fetus is about 730g (1lb 9oz) and 220mm from head to bum.