I bet he has Buggers' Tufts, too.

Braxton Hicks, they are a-coming.... A friend started with BH contractions and before she knew it, out popped a baby girl.

From WikiPedia: "John Braxton Hicks (1823–August 28, 1897) was a 19th century English doctor who specialised in obstetrics. He was born in Rye, Sussex and attended Guy's Hospital Medical School from 1841. Hicks was the first physician to describe the bipolar and other methods of the version of a fetus. In 1872, he described the uterine contractions not resulting in childbirth now known as Braxton Hicks."

And how fine are his Mutton Chops? I bet he has Buggers' Tufts, too. Dang for a better photo!

Read the books, done the course, bought the kit and packed the bags

It's boring now. We've read the books, done the course, bought the kit and packed the bags. T minus three days. Or 17 days..... Aaaaagh!

Homeopathy or hospital?

Another exciting trip to the hosp, this time because the rash on her tummy is *very* raw. My big sister, ie a person who Knows Everything and has a fast internet connection, says it might be PUPPP syndrome - yessiree, a syndrome, no less. PP herself thinks it might be a reaction to drinking raspberry leaf tea, the only obvious change to her diet.

To cure the rash, the midwives recommended Piriton tablets, or calamine lotion, both of which PP refused on the grounds that she only takes homeopathic medicines, my favourite subject.

Yes, PP has been pill-popping various chalk tablets with fancy names, some of them recent additions to the intake. Even the raspberry leaf tea label has the most amazing twaddle on it.

As we approach drop day, I suspect all of this will vanish when it's a choice between stinging like buggery or gas & air...

Pic from http://www.nutrasanus.com/ - which I completely misread.

Bit of a do

Bit of a do - in the sense of a commotion, rather than cucumber sandwiches and milky tea.

PP is itching, and itchy palms and feet mean cholestasis - which is Bad. The midwife took blood for a test, which also turned out Bad. This morning was an exciting visit to the hospital, with a second blood test, and this time it turned out to be Good.

Incidentally, cholestasis is another fine example of English usage: we name something as if the naming means we understand it. Like Alzheimer's, Crone's and a host of syndromes, conditions and diseases, the name somehow makes it acceptable, knowable. Cholestasis means "gall bladder blocked," which turns out to be a description of the condition simply in hilarious faux Latin. Or is that reproba latin?

Almost an armful

Midwife again this morning, a very competent woman called Sarah, her second visit to us. She gave the baby a right old poking about, saying it has long limbs. How on earth can she tell? I can hardly tell its bonce from its bum - mind you, the same applies to me, more or less.

Curiously, she asked if PP has had itchy feet or palms, and the answer is Yes. In fact, I even wondered if PP had athlete's foot she was scratching so much! Something to do with liver function, which, even more odderer, PP had been speaking about. This prompted a vial of blood to be drawn. Almost an armful.

Itchy & Scratchy

The underside of PP's bump is itching itching itching. Aaaaaaagh! I want to scratch it now, BOY is it ANNOYING, so BY CRIKEY it must irritate her! (Should I write the letters for Readers' Digest?)

Curiouser and curiouser

Turns out that waaaaay back at the beginning, when I questioned the calculation of the due date, that there is no general agreement of average gestation.

Most people accept 40 weeks for caucasians; some medics think 41 is full term. For asian and african women, 39 weeks is more usual.

Statistically, women are more likely to have problems the longer the pregnancy continues - placenta failing, fetal distress. Most hospitals prefer to induce at 41 weeks to avoid problems, not because it is over term.

Curiouser and curiouser. Pic from The Victorian Web. http://www.victorianweb.org/ Good grief, there really is a web site for everything.

The Health Visitor Calls

Our assigned Health Visitor, Tara, pitched up today. A qualified nurse with nine years' experience on children's wards, Tara tried to explain what health visiting is, what she does, why, and the benefits. Tara is very friendly and it's good to see my taxes keeping her in employment. She was very positive about the home birth idea, and gave us lots of leaflets. Gosh.

No doubt I will sing a different tune at the first mild rash or touch of cradle cap.

I looked on the web for the Health Visitors' Association, and instead stumbled, or possibly stuttered, across http://www.stammering.org/. They even have ggggguest sssssspeakers at ccccconferences.

JJJohnny HHHammer, had a ttttterrible ssssstammer
He ccccccould hhhhhardly say a wwwwword
And so they ggggave him, mmmedicinal ccccccompound
Now he's seen, but never heard ...

Oh Yes.

Lyrics from http://homepage.ntlworld.com/gary.hart/ once again.

We'll have a shilling on the side (reprise)

After much confusion, the sweepstake is as follows:
P,T > Ea
T,T > Eb
S,K > Cl (popped!)
E,W > Kt
C,C > Tr
E,M > PP

With Cl already popped, the tontine stands at five. We are the latest due date, which I guess makes E&M the hot favourites to take the £50....

http://homepage.ntlworld.com/gary.hart/lyricsh/hill.html

Tasers in Childbirth

Tried the TENS machine. Awesome. Two AA batteries whack out enough of a jolt to make your muscles twitch uncontrollably. Think of sticking a PP3 battery on your tongue, except over an arm or leg. The sensation is not unlike a sneeze, and exactly like touching a cattle fence.

The TENS theory is that the shock encourages the body to produce endorphins, which mask the pain for the mother. In practice, especially if you set it to turbo boost (yes, except cars, everything has a turbo version), the TENS shocks raise the total sensory input so high that the body's receptors simply shut down.

Why does the heading Tasers in Childbirth spring to mind? Pic is from the excellent site, http://www.tbotech.com/advancedtaser.htm, where I discover that the Taser, too, is powered by AA batteries...