Bye-bye superstition, Hello reality.

The pressure to acknowledge the arrival of Toblet(te) is growing. Stores of nappies, creams and clothes; changing mat, sleepsuits, pushchair; breast pump, steriliser, baby alarm. It's not so much the kit, it's the admission that this is all For Real.
The second part is us getting over the superstition element: buying the kit means accepting that things are now OK, that Toblet(te) will be born healthy, wealthy and wise. Put another way, stop worrying and start planning. (According to top bloke Norm, proud possessor of two teenagers, the worrying *starts* now and continues to build for the rest of your life...)
It's a strange transition: single - couple - expecting - dad. Accepting Yes, this is happening, is the biggest change. Bye-bye superstition, Hello reality.
Pic stolen from Avent, who make a bafflingly (to me) large range of baby kit. Bizarrely, I once drove past Avent's UK HQ... http://www.avent.com/uk/en/index.php

Sleep, feed, seaside

The baby sleep cycle is becoming more apparent now, the precise opposite of PP's, including waking at about two or three a.m., presumably for the equivalent of a feed.

Seems to me that humans have a significant evolutionary disadvantage in having such helpless infants, which need feeding so frequently. How did our ancestors roaming the savannah cope with noisy, waking infants at night? Did cro-magnon and neanderthal humans follow Gina Ford or Tracy Hogg when Bringing Up Baby?

Vexed questions. I prefer the littoral theory of human evolution. See http://www.sondela.co.uk/ and http://johnhawks.net/weblog/topics/pseudoscience/aquatic_ape_theory.html a truly fascinating site, with a beautifully clear description and analysis of the acquatic theory.

Pram Angst

Quinny. Pilko. Buzz. What the devil happened to plain old ordinary pushchairs and prams? Visit http://www.whenawomansuptheduff.blogspot.com/ if you want to see the agonies and decisions played out in front of your eyes.

When I was a baby (shortly after the permian era) my mother was untroubled by lightweight travel systems: a pram handed down from her parents was fine. Same pram as my older sister, and exactly the same for my younger sister, five years later: a creaking, rusty stalwart, painted a fetching light lime green, with spoked wheels and white solid rubber tyres - the pram that is, not my sister - served for us all.

Was I thinking of Pam Ann when I used this 'Pram Angst' title?

Go see Pam Ann at http://www.pamann.com/ or better still, live.

Pam Ann, Thankyou Ma'am.

Tantric homeopathy

Alternative (ie ineffective mumbo jumbo) medicine rears its ugly head once more, and I have promised to attend a homeopathy session and not argue, be rude or dispute the veracity of this hallowed delusion. The best I can do is acknowledge that for some people it's a supprting practice, like faith in god or belief in ghosts. Provided homeopathy helps personal wellbeing in some non-dangerous manner, then I guess it's no worse than superstition.

We are seeing Cassandra Lorius, a prolific and very successful author of Homeopathy for the Soul. Cassandra is also author of:

Tantric Secrets: 7 Steps to the Best Sex of Your Life

Tantric Sex: Making Love Last

The Tantric Pillow Book: 101 Nights of Sexual Ecstasy

101 Nights of Tantric Sex: How to Make Each Night a New Way to Sexual Ecstasy.

Keeping my views on homeopathy to myself might be tricky, to say the least. Still, a promise is a promise.

I wonder how homeopathy relates to tantric sex? Hmmmm...maybe there's something... nah.

Fall asleep quickly and sleep like a log

Sleep is now definitely at a premium for Priti. Night-time means much thrashing and revolving with the sandbags (she has invested in specific sleeping sandbags: one red, one green, one blue) before settling. I have too many elbows and knees for her comfort, the saving grace being that I warm the bed up.

Fortunately, even though I am relegated to a narrow strip on the outer edges of the mattress, I fall asleep quickly and sleep like a log. Apparently I have so far missed a small-hours self-massage session and a banana raid, not to mention countless pee-breaks.

Long may it continue.

Picture from http://www.nww.usace.army.mil/html/offices/op/em/HowToBag.htm (U.S. Army Corps of Engineers)

Gas & Air

Trevor, a three-month-Dad, came round last night and gave me the inside story on the delivery of his little girl. They had a detailed birthing plan that went AWOL on first contact with the enemy. The only part that actually happened was him snipping the umbilical cord. True Dr Kildare stuff.

From a bloke's perspective, I think I picked up the key points, which are:

1 Say Yes to a drag on the Gas & Air. Hell, why should she have all the fun?
2 Unless you have a strong constitution or deliver babies for a living, stay clear of the business end
3 Take spare clothing and be prepared to smell
4 And it is all worth it, honest

I think point three is already fairly well covered by most blokes, and number two is fair enough; coming in at Number One, saying Yes to the Gas & Air, falls into the tip top tip category, to be tattooed on the inside of your eyelids.

PS And where do the towels and hot water come into it, then?

PPS Yaphet Kotto (see earlier entries) was in the original Thomas Crown Affair. Thought you might like to know. Kevin Bacon, anyone?

More puffing than Ivor the Engine

The house is moving up. And down. To be precise, the contents of the house are beginning to migrate to a region above waist and below shoulder height. Soon we will be living in a strip about two feet deep.

Anything above head height is out of reach, and anything below waist height involves more puffing than Ivor the Engine.

Got sound? Click here! http://www.smallfilms.co.uk/ivor/ivor.wav

or visit the excellent web site, http://www.smallfilms.co.uk/

Gun emplacements

Excellent comment from Medicine Man, worth copying here:

Forgot to mention a number of things:1. Has the marital bed yet to resemble a gun emplacement as Mrs CD uses up all cushions/sandbags in the house/shed in a vain attempt to get a good night's sleep?2. Shortly you will be in a position to use one of my favourite words in the English Language: "Swaddle" (my favourite being "crapulous"). Not only is it a great word, it's also a life saver. It basically involves wrapping up the mewling infant so as to prevent any movement whatsoever- think papoose. Said mewling infant will scare the bejusus out of itself every time it moves a limb- 'whoa, what the hell was that'- and not learn from the experience. Effective swaddling = posibility of sleep. Such a good word, and so little opportunity for using it- perhaps we could extend it's meaning to include getting legless-"got completley swaddled last night", or for canoodling-" fancy a quick swaddle". Ho hum

GLR - gone but not forgotten

Laughing through pregnancy is probably the best thing we can do. If you haven't already discovered them, listen to Jo Good and Baylen Leonard on BBC London radio. It's chaotic, bonkers loony fun. The spirit of GLR lives!

http://www.bbc.co.uk/pressoffice/biographies/biogs/london/joannegood.shtml (where it says she hosts the show with Jono Coleman... top marks, as usual, to the BBC web site).

PS If you're reading this Jo, can Priti be a lovely listener?

Quadrupeds, bipeds and large intestines

The kicking is becoming very obvious now, and quite clearly visible. Roughly half an hour after eating, the gymnastics begin. Priti's appetite has rocketed.

The pressure of the bump is producing ever-more side effects in Priti. Her legs are driving her crazy, sort of fizzing, which I guess is a result of pressure on sciatic nerves as the pelvis distorts. Presumably pregnant bellies developed during the quadrupedal phase, and the relatively recent move to bipedalism has compromised our internal layout (think of the large intestine's route). Perhaps if she went around on all fours, life would be easier. Then again, perhaps not.

According to the Rough Guide, at 25 weeks the fetus is about 730g (1lb 9oz) and 220mm from head to bum.

Women's health

Clearly, I am in a small, small minority. Take a look at http://www.babycrowd.com/ - choc a bloc with pregnancy blogs, and, in my highly scientific analysis using semi-stochastic randomised subsampling of the site (the first three pages of new blog listings), there were no male bloggers at all.

However, there is way to link to the site. The categories for the link include topics such as toys and clothing and so-on, with nothing suitable for a pregnantbloke. So I chose women's health.

Womens-Health.Co.Uk Visit Women's Health Information for comprehensive, up-to-date info about your body. Read up on pregnancy, infertility, PCOS, fibroids, endometriosis, birth control and more.


By the way, 25 weeks tomorrow.

Scrawny male models looking like moody tosssers

You couldn't make this stuff up: "FQ Magazine, The essential dad mag" and web strapline "Parenting magazine for new dads and single dads."
Why would new dads and single dads be grouped together, I wonder? Why does the promising link "Bloke's Guide to Pregnancy" http://www.fqmagazine.co.uk/blokes-pregnancy-guide-10.aspx take you to a dead end? Are they trying to tell me something?

The webmag version looks pretty good (click in the middle of the home page http://www.fqmagazine.co.uk/default.aspx), full of smart-looking articles. It must the devil's job filling a magazine like that every month, and full marks to the editor and team. (Can you tell I used to edit magazines? I share the pain.) It almost makes me want to buy a real copy, even if the fashion part is stuffed with pictures of scrawny male models looking like moody tosssers.

Is there a Grumpy Old Men magazine?

z freebies

Try this, and search for 'baby.'

"Childbirth Solutions, bringing solutions to childbearing families."

I promise you I am not making this up: http://www.childbirthsolutions.com/ "Childbirth Solutions, bringing solutions to childbearing families."

Can you tell how bored I am?

Can you tell how bored I am? Visited www.prettypregnant.co.uk, with the usual dippy daisy lah-lah writing style. Best of all, they studiously avoid any real ballooners on the site, with all their pregnant women looking like Will o' the Whisps.

When we last went to the hospital, the woman in front of us was at something like 38 weeks with twins - for the second time (she had a frightened-looking partner in tow). And she was *enormous,* positively overhanging in defiance of gravity.

Don't see many bloaters like her on lovely pregnancy websites.

There's a moral in there somewhere

Little by little, a routine has started to emerge: sleep, kicking and gymnastics. Apparently sleep is usually around an hour and a half, and movement typically after food. It seems to like a hot shower, too, which provokes gyrations not unlike backstroke.

My cue to check it out is "It's kicking, it's kicking!" Yet whenever I stick my hot, sweaty mitt on Priti's belly, it lies doggo, waiting for me to go away.

My older sister, when she was very pregnant with her daughter, started to become genuinely irritated at the amount of kicking. One day she saw a clearly defined heel protruding, grabbed it and gave it a hard pinch.

There's a moral in there somewhere, but I'm buggered if I know what it is.

Weeble for the bump

Not yet really a true pregnant bloke blog, http://www.gattancha.co.uk/blog/ has a certain charm. I particularly like the nickname Weeble for the bump.

HxWxL at 24 weeks

According to The Rough Guide to Pregnancy & Birth, Toblet is now 210mm (A4 width) and 630g (1lb 6oz to you and me).

At what point, I wonder, do they give up on such precise figures? We're not reading ahead to find out!

Metric conversions from the excellent http://www.statman.info/ - every conceivable (appropriately enough) conversion you can imagine.

A tadge of indigestion

Last night, the conclusion of week 24, we could actually see Toblet kicking, punching and wriggling - strange ripples on the surface of Priti's bump. Even though it is very, very peculiar, she's not too freaked by it.

Every time I put my hand on the bump, the little bugger stops kicking. When I do feel it, it makes it very real, much easier to visualise that inside there is a baby cooking, waiting to pop out.

Looking at the bubbling belly, I thought it wise not to mention the original Alien flick with John Hurt experiencing a tadge of indigestion. (Ian Holm, one of the most watchable film actors ever, was also in Alien - and he seems to like sci-fi, with excellent performances in Time Bandits and The Fifth Element. Ian Holm is highly rated and yet is still hugely underrated, if you follow me, as is the late, great Ian Bannen, another giant favourite of mine.)

Image stolen from IMDb, http://imdb.com/title/tt0078748/ Yaphet Kotto, an outstanding actor, was also in Alien; he was waaaay better in Blue Collar.

Proper bloke's response to the news

Top bloke Bill, a father of two, has only recently heard of the impending arrival. He wrote "again many congrats on your great news. I suppose this should be forwarded to Priti, but as far as I can see, you've done all the hard work so far..."

Good work, fella.

Rather you than me

For a midwife appointment this morning, Priti had been asked to take a pee sample. As she pointed out later, peeing into a small plastic phial is tricky at the best of times. When you have 23 weeks of bump in the way, it's an almost impossible proposition. She managed to present a one-thirds full sample bottle. Filling it involve lots of hit and miss, aptly enough, and is a messy business.

I thought "Rather you than me." In a few weeks' time, it might well be the other way round. Now there's thought.

Picture from http://www.emsdiasum.com/microscopy/products/preparation/beakers.aspx?mm=8

The middle bit

Spoke with Tom, proud owner of Katya (nine months, I think), who agreed that the middle bit of pregnancy, from a bloke's point of view, is a bit dull.

I mean, it's exciting: Toblet is on the way, but in development terms, the big action is over, and now it's a waiting game.

Have I said this before? Ho hum!

Agape - a Platonic ideal

Browsing for useful stuff on pregnant bloke topics? Here's a stack of links, at http://www.familyrapp.com/homepage.asp?Website=Pregnancy-Information The home page (as of 15 March 2007, at least) has the following:

"The Greeks have a special word for parental love—agape. Plato believed agape to be a divine love. He defined it as unconditional, self-sacrificing, and thoughtful. He also considered it an active love. To Plato, agape was more than a feeling. It was a tangible choice demonstrated with loving behavior. "

How about that for an unexpected gem?

See http://www.philosophypages.com/

Cool, but pointless

Cool 3D scans available... http://www.babypremier.co.uk/baby_ultrasound/baby_scanning.asp?section=61&article=471

Get Shiggy Wit' It

Not exactly a pregnant bloke blog: www.getshiggy.blogspot.com, and I particularly liked the entry http://getshiggy.blogspot.com/2007/01/pregnant-pause.html A cruelly accurate summary of the nesting instinct - although Priti isn't even remotely like that (and hey, she might be reading this page...) The dancing piggy is from the shiggy blog.

'A daily "look" at you and your baby using unique 3-D ultrasound pictures.'

There's a comment from Sunday 11 March's entry worth repeating in the blog body, from Mum to Be: Mum to Be said... "If you haven't already done so then take a look at 'Your Pregnancy Day-by-Day' by Professor Stuart Campbell. It has great 3D scan pictures to help you visualise what your baby might be like at different points in the pregnancy and tells you lots about the developmental stages of the baby as well as general stuff about pregnancy. Hope you've enjoyed reading our blog. "

The book's subtitle is 'A daily "look" at you and your baby using unique 3-D ultrasound pictures.'

Visit Mum to Be at http://www.t-9months.blogspot.com/, find the book on Amazon (http://www.amazon.co.uk/Your-Pregnancy-Day-Watch-Healthy/dp/1904760058/ref=sr_1_1/026-0843774-0562866?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1173740720&sr=8-1)

Zygote Daddy

Excellent pregnant bloke blog, Zygote Daddy (http://www.zygotedaddy.blogs.com). Strictly speaking he is no longer a pregnant bloke (see http://zygotedaddy.blogs.com/zygote_daddy/2006/11/index.html). Superb pics and engaging writing; go take a look.

While you're on Zygote Daddy, check out http://zygotedaddy.blogs.com/zygote_daddy/2006/12/index.html in particular. I remember being daubed with Gentian Violet (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gentian_violet), too, when I was perhaps five years old. Every tiny cut and scrape was a possible case of lock-jaw, and Gentian Violet stung like hell. Still, as a small boy, the swagger to be gained from a purple-stained knee, shin or chin was well worth the prize.

Size matters

According to the "Rough Guide to Pregnancy and Birth" by Kaz Cooke, Toblet is now 20cm (at 23 weeks today) and around 0.5kg (2lb).

Am I obsessing about this? There is very little else in the books (of which we have even more now) about the baby. It seems that the exciting bit as the baby forms is pretty much over, and now it is simply a race to be big enough and fat enough to survive birth.

Kaz, I guess, was chosen as author because an Emma, Karen or Gillian just wouldn't be right for a Rough Guide.

Kaz.

Yeah.

Linea Nigra

Yes, it's here! The Linea Nigra has arrived, showing as a gentle darkening above and below her belly-button.

Press here to open.

Latin, the mother tongue

Among the many ailments - I mean, changes - that affect a woman's body during pregnancy, PP is keen on one in particular: the linea nigra.

The linea nigra appears around now (22 weeks) connecting the belly button to the rectum. (Note how modern use of Latin has been relegated to euphemisms [originally a Greek word] to avoid our blushes.) It's an umistakeable sign of pregnancy - though I would have thought a figure like a rugby ball was something of a giveaway.

PP's linea nigra (dark line to you and me) hasn't appeared yet, and her belly button is still an inny. What's the Latin for inny?

Lack of faith

From "The Alternative Pregnancy Handbook," an amusingly titled book by Dr Tanvir Jamal & Karen Evennett, on the opening page:

'IMPORTANT NOTE Always tell your doctor or practitioner that you are or maybe pregnant before taking any medicine or undergoing any treatment. '

A sensible lack of faith in their own pronouncements. Pic from www.amazon.co.uk

Phew! Mid-term scan

Mid-term scan complete, and all is OK. The sonographer was excellent (Jay at St George's Tooting), and full of useful commentary. Priti told me later, "I was about to say 'Wow, you can really see it's head clearly' when he said 'And there's the stomach'."

We are now the proud possessors of four more grey, grainy pictures which are, if anything, slightly less revealing than the twelve-week scan images.

Go visit http://www.whenawomansuptheduff.blogspot.com/ for more commentary.

Anomaly Scan

We're due for the 20-week half-time scan tomorrow. Will we get orange slices and a rub-down from the physio?

It's called the Anomaly Scan, which, in summary, is a physical once-over. The site http://www.babycentre.co.uk/ has a clear explanation of all this at http://www.babycentre.co.uk/pregnancy/antenatalhealth/scans/secondtrimesterscans/#16:

"If a problem is found or suspected, you will be told at the time of the scan and an appointment to have another scan with a Fetal Medicine Specialist should be made within 72 hours. Approximately 15 per cent of scans will need to be repeated for one reason or another; most problems that need repeat scanning are not serious. If the problem does turn out to be serious, you will be given the opportunity to discuss all your options, which may include termination of the pregnancy, surgery or treatment after birth, or even surgery in the womb. You will be supported by the team, which may include midwives, obstetricians, paediatricians, physiotherapists and the hospital chaplain. "

The least amazing picture

Take a look (and laugh) at the pictures on this site: http://menshealth.about.com/library/blfetus_photo5.htm and http://menshealth.about.com/library/blfetus.htm

The most amazing picture

How about this for the most amazing picture, from a tremendous site: http://www.i-am-pregnant.com/ Click on the Week by Week section, which leads you to http://www.i-am-pregnant.com/pregnancy/calendar/week/1, and then select your own week stage. Great pics, very informative site.

Legs like an East German shotputter

After umpteen "I'm-fairly-sure-I-felt-that" attempts, this morning I definitely absolutely positively for-sure felt Toblet kick.

Must have legs like an East German shotputter... Amazing!

See http://observer.guardian.co.uk/sport/issues/story/0,,905718,00.html and http://www.nytimes.com/2004/01/26/sports/othersports/26STER.html?ex=1390453200&en=bc039fed4c6ea23a&ei=5007&partner=USERLAND

Pic is from Allsport, http://www.allsport.co.uk/

Three weekends to go

How different are we men from they women.

Here we are at almost 22 weeks, half-way through, and before us are vast rolling acres of time before D-Day. Tons of time to prepare, to buy the kit, sort the house out...

Not really. Though it is no cause for panic, if we assume Toblet might arrive from 36 weeks onwards (ie two weeks earlier than the earliest predicted date), then we have 14 weeks to go. Which translates into slightly over three months. Sounds OK, Yes?

Now put it into weekends: twelve. One weekend fishing, one weekend seeing the fossils, one weekend seeing sister-in-law already booked. One weekend up in town to buy missing kit. One weekend each seeing Verity and Liz (my sisters). Leaves six weekends to ourselves, and three of them are accounted for already with a two-week holiday.

Due date fast approaching. Three weekends to go.

More kit!

The next piece of kit has arrived - a baby alarm, complete with remote control and synthesised lullabies! The BT Digital Baby Monitor Plus (find it here http://www.shop.bt.com/invt/ccn101?s_cid=affzedbts). The monitor was a gift from Lisa Young, a talented photographer and travel writer. Check out http://www.lisayoung.co.uk/

Smallest twins in the UK

Recently I came across the email address of an old friend, Colin McHenry, the super-talented art director at publishing house Centaur Communications. When I worked at Centaur, Colin became the proud owner of twins, born prematurely. I recall him saying they were just "scraps," they were so small. Turns out, they were and are still the smallest twins born in the UK.

Centaur Communications is at http://www.centaur.co.uk/. If you want to learn about business publishing, join Centaur, an outstanding company.

Discovered: whenawomansuptheduff

Very smart blog: http://www.whenawomansuptheduff.blogspot.com/

Proper cutaway drawing

How about this for a pregnancy diagram? Proper cutaway drawing with labels. Stolen from http://www.babycenter.com/fetaldevelopment, an excellent site.